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May 22 2018







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RESCUE DOG // a short story about rescuring each other

You can also read my stories on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram


the cognitive dissonance



  • Defining other sexualities as Same-gender attracted even when they’re actually not necessarily SGA by definition is somehow okay but using the word monosexual (a literal descriptor meaning “attracted to one gender”) is homophobic
  • Saying “SGA Discourse” is homophobic but using “Ace Discourse” is a-okay
  • Saying “monosexual” is homophobic but guess what so is LG
  • Dedicating entire blogs to hating bisexual and ace people, using “hilarious” urls with the word acephobe in them - somehow okay, but bi and ace people talking about our lived experiences and the ongoing abuse we receive from monosexual gay and lesbian people: homophobic.
  • Older bi people discussing what our queer communities that we actually lived through looked like 10, 20, 30 years ago: “ahistoric”, according to teenagers
  • Calling bisexuality a subtype of homophobia and erasing the fact that lesbians literally created biphobia when they distinguished “bi women” as a cohesive class and kicked us out of wlw communities: not ahistoric
  • Telling bisexual women we’re lesbophobic when we protest and say that biphobia is its own distinct type of oppression often perpetuated by lesbians, but ignoring the numerous times we get called “bislut”, “bihet”, “dick worshipper”, etc. by lesbians
  • Saying “we came together to fight homophobia and transphobia” as a means to exclude ace/aro identities while pretending to be inclusive of m-spec folks but ignoring that we don’t suffer homophobia, many of us aren’t SGA and this excludes nb folks for whom “same gender” isnt a meaningful category
  • Saying “we came together to fight homophobia and transphobia” but spending more energy mocking ace teenagers writing positivity posts than taking out the transphobic and transmisogynist trash in your communities
  • Saying “queer is a slur”, vetoing its use as an umbrella term, and policing other people’s use of it while ignoring the fact that for many people “gay” is just as potent of a slur 
  • i could honestly just keep going
  • demand sources when bi people talk about our oppression, then when we provide sources they a) dismiss them out of hand and b) mock us for being ““radikweer academics””
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Here you go, Tumblr. A little burst of pride for the 1st of Pride (the calendar month previously known as June). 

And here’s how to get pride material in your dashboard all month long (and beyond): Go to the pride search and hit “Follow.” Enjoy!  

Oh look, it’s a tumblr official graphic from Pride 2016, about which there was exactly zero memorable discourse. I wonder what changed.


Pride was not started by TWOC.


I’ve seen half a dozen posts today where people respond to transantagonism by talking about how Pride was started by trans women of colour. Some of them even invoke the names of the Stonewall veterans.

It is monumentally important to remember the contributions of these women, to remember just how fucking much of our community they built themselves, often against pushback from the rest of us.

But, while Pride started to commemorate the Stonewall riots, it wasn’t started by any of them. It was started by Brenda Howard. She was many things: Bi, kinky as fuck, Jewish, polyamorous, and proud of all of the above. But she wasn’t involved in Stonewall, and she wasn’t a TWOC.

You’re doing nobody any favours by conflating the two. We shouldn’t need to lie and retcon our own history to shut down TWERFs and their ilk. We can beat them by speaking the truth.

EDIT: Okay, we officially regret this post. We conveyed terribly, and have learned some things in the notes. One, as we should have goddamn guessed, of course TWOC were involved in the effort to actually launch Pride. Two, Brenda Howard may have actually been at Stonewall.

We’d seen a number of people conflating Stonewall and Pride, contributing furhter to bi erasure. Ayin was trying to address that, and did so very poorly. We’re sorry.



Person who never talks about trans issues: Trying to hold cis LG people responsible for transantagonism is untrue and unhelpful.
Same person, literally four minutes later:  we all face different shit in the lgbtq community and ofc we all have the capability to be shitty toward each other I know that very well and we can and should address that. I am not disputing n have never disputed that point
My trans ass: And you wonder why we don’t trust the cis, even within the so-called community.







And I’m done with @acephobe-bi. Fucker refuses to make an argument because they know they have literally nothing defensible, so all responding to them achieves is continuing to keep their racist ass at the top of my blog. Block, no-platform, move on.

I don’t have to defend my opinions against assholes but oki

When your “opinions” are “Native people not allowed unless they abandon their culture,” then yeah, you kiiiinda do. Now get the fuck off my post and away from my blog, you fucking racist shitstain.

Where did I say that Op Jesus Christ

So here’s you saying that two-spirit people are not welcome. Now, here’s the thing. Two-spirit people are Native people who 1. are not cis and 2. approach that non-cisness through the lens of their culture.

One of these things apparently disqualifies them from the community, according to your statement. Either you’re a transphobe or a racist. Choose fucking carefully.

But do it somewhere else; you are no longer welcome chez wetwareproblem.


Former dominatrix fights to keep job as sheriff's officer




Wow who knew there was at least ONE situation in which police aren’t okay with hurting people

Yea, when it’s consensual

Asshat: Why don’t sex workers get REAL jobs? 

Sex worker: *gets a ‘real’ job* 

Asshat: How dare sex workers try to get a job. Nothing is more tarnishing to the reputation of the police department than this. 



@itrhymeswithtable replied to your post “Age regression is not a kink. You’re thinking of age play. Your whole…”
do you still have plans for making a longer post about neurodivergence and kink? and a kinky nd person that sounds real interesting

Well, there is the small issue that I like not getting murdered by anti-kink tumblr. However…

Kinks break down into basically two categories, sensory and psychological. Obviously there is overlap; often a person will like a kink for a combination of both.

Stuff like waxplay or impact play (especially involving implements not commonly used in childhood corporal punishment) is more sensory, on the receiving end. (Unless you’re doing it to punish yourself, or as a not-fun punishment. Then it would be psychological.) You do it because you like the sensation, or the way the aftereffects look. Obviously if you’ve got unusual sensory stuff going on, like a lot of neurodivergent people do, you’re more likely to have a sensory kink.

Psychological kinks have to do with emotions. Power dynamics, praise, humiliation, probably most kinks involving uniforms or outfits, much of roleplay. Neurodivergent people experience very high rates of abuse, for various reasons that boil down to ableism and/or it being unusually easy to fuck with our realities. A good way to deal with abuse is to reenact it in a controlled environment where you get to change things. Sometimes that’s a therapist’s office, but a kink scene can also work pretty well. If you’re dealing with the kind of “depressurization” that’s like “if no one’s hurting me, something even more extra bad is about to happen,” being hit or humiliated but in a way so you can stop it whenever you need to, every once in a while, is a good way to deal with that feeling, for some people. If you feel compelled to obey orders and a bit lost without them, a kink scene or power exchange relationship is a lot healthier than getting sucked into a cult or abusive relationship while seeking that kind of direction. Or if you simply need to be overwhelmed until your brain shuts up, there’s that, too, though that starts to get into the sensory stuff as well, or if you want to be cared for more than adults usually are for a bit. On the other side of power dynamics, if you need to feel in control of your environment or of other people, kink can do that, and make sure that whoever you order around wants to be ordered around. Or similarly with aggression.

Did I mention how great safewords and so on are? Like, you’ve got a whole set of scripts for whether you like what’s going on and if you’re good, or if you want it to slow down or stop. If something goes wrong or you start to melt down, you don’t have to explain; you can just say your safeword and calm down and explain later, when you actually can. Additionally, a lot of us have been through some kind of compliance training or other situations where we weren’t allowed to say “no” or “stop”–often to the point of literally being unable to say those words as verbs, even years later–and getting to say “no” or “stop” without actually having to make ourselves say “no” or “stop” is a great way to get back that kind of control so that eventually we can say those words.

And sometimes people just make unusual psychological links of things -> sex without any trauma at all. Neurodivergent people are a bit more likely to do this, probably. (Particularly if you have something that causes hyperfixation and/or strong emotional responses, like OCD or autism. The line between disgust and arousal can be a damned three-dimensional squiggle. And then like as not it’s something horrifically embarrassing that six-year-old you was morbidly fixated on without even knowing that it could end up being about sex someday, and that is almost impossible to find porn of. Seriously, somebody go back in time and smack me with a hammer.)

And then there’s where psychological and sensory mix. This is really, really common. An example might be a bondage dominant who is turned on by both the look of the ropes on their partner and also the sense of control over another person. Another would be someone who’s turned on by the taste of boot leather but also by how humiliating it is to lick someone’s boots, or how they’re serving the dom with the boot-licking. And so on, and so on. Just mix the stuff about neurodivergence from above accordingly.

Well, this got long anyway :D I think I’m done struggling with tumblr’s laggy editor for one night. This is by no means a comprehensive reference, but it should give a general idea.



Long-term abuse can leave you with a deep-seated need to be hurt.

This isn’t exactly news; basically any expert will tell you the same. But I don’t think a lot of people who haven’t been through it really understand what it’s like. You’re used to being hurt on a regular basis, and any interruption to this pattern? Is dangerous. It’s a sign that things are about to take a turn for the worse - that they’re bottling shit up to explode eventually, or they’re playing some new game you don’t know how to navigate, or they’re withholding the little bit of affection that made the bad times survivable.

So when we finally escape, for a lot of us, there’s this creeping, ever-growing anxiety as we go longer and longer without getting hurt. Eventually, it’s screaming, drowning out any voice in our heads that says “No, this is okay, it’s safe.” A lot of us wind up pulling risky shit, deliberately getting into danger, to find some relief, any relief for that feeling.

But no matter what, it’s not gonna go away easily. Even if we find ourselves with healthy, caring, respectful, sensitive partners, there’s that anxiety-voice in the back of our brains going “If they’re not hurting you now, what are they planning? Do they even love you at all? Are they just using you?”

It needs managed and dealt with somehow.

Long-term abuse can leave you with a deep-seated need for control.

This isn’t exactly news; basically any expert will tell you the same. But I don’t think a lot of people who haven’t been through it really understand what it’s like. You’re used to control being taken away so you can be used and hurt without consequence, so anything that takes control? Is a threat. It’s a sign that pain is coming - maybe the person taking it was just being friendly until you got close enough to stab, or they were really just cozying up because you were useful, or they want an obedient little puppet instead of you.

So when we finally escape, for a lot of us, there’s this screaming terror response to anything that threatens to take control away from us. It can paralyze us, leave us unable to leave the house because this, this is an environment we can control, this is what safety feels like. A lot of us can slip into abusive patterns ourselves, as our overwhelming need for control makes us take it away from others.

But no matter what, it’s not gonna go away easily. Even if we find ourselves with healthy, caring, respectful, sensitive partners, there’s that anxiety-voice in the back of our brains going “They just made a decision involving both of you. This is how it starts. How long until you’re back in the cage?”

It needs managed and dealt with somehow.

Fortunately, there’s a convenient answer a lot of us can turn to - a way we can be hurt when we need to be hurt, have control when we need control, all under conditions we personally negotiated and accepted. The rules and boundaries are clear, and if it ever gets too much, hits too close to home, we can stop it immediately.

Is it really any surprise that kink is fucking full of abuse survivors?

And do you understand now why we’re so fucking pissed when you compare it to abuse?


So why do you (and your kin) conflate queer, polyamorous, and kinky so damn much?


Well, I’m glad you asked, nonexistent internet inquirer.

Both polyamory and power exchange are relationship models that were hugely prominent in queer communities I have participated in, both historically and presently. Both power exchange and polyamory have long influenced the queer community and been influenced in turn by it, and both face the same sorts of pressures in our modern political climate.

Because of the way information is exchanged in queer spaces today- condensed, hyper-public, permanent records everywhere, with every thought and exchange being somehow both personal and public simultaneously- both polyamory and power exchange have seen a reduced influence and acceptance in queer communities, and for the same reasons. They are both “alien” to the cisheteronormative majority and make queer lives difficult to consume in an age driven by information consumption. They are both hypersexualized in their exclusion, regardless of the actual sexuality of the relationships themselves.

Consider every radical feminist diatribe you have read about how polyamory is something that straight men use to abuse (often queer) women. A way to avoid relationship responsibility and emotional engagement, or a way to “cheat freely.”

The same arguments are used to call power exchange a straight man’s opportunity to abuse women.

These tactics are shared because there is a commonality between power exchange and polyamory. Both are historically queer concepts, used by queer people to express personal connection in a way generally disregarded by straightness.

And both are manipulated into being “tools of straight oppression,” to excuse the erasure of this prominent aspect of the historic, and even modern, queer experience in an attempt to fashion our relationships into a more consumable mold.

Namely, the standard relationship progression of meeting a single, long-term partner, sharing your finances and emotional burdens exclusively with that partner, and ultimately raising children in a closed environment.

This model makes queers more appealing to The Straights (They Who Adhere To All False Dichotomies) because it recontextualizes our identities in ways they can understand. It makes us more familiar.

This can be efficient, but ultimately it fails to teach  The Straights (They Who Adhere To All False Dichotomies) to respect us as people.

Both power exchange relationships and polyamorous relationships defy that standardized progression of the relationship, in different ways. Nevertheless, both represent a divergence from that normalized model.

As a result, both power exchange and polyamory have always been interlinked concepts in my mind, and in the communities, I participate in, online and offline.



Erase the idea that being derived from trauma makes your kink or sexuality wrong. Your sexuality can be a symptom, or just inextricably intertwined with your trauma or mental illness or disability, without being bad or wrong.



I understand bodily autonomy being necessary.

I understand that teenagers have the right to it just as much as adults.

However. This does not mean the following:

-teenagers should be allowed to buy cigarettes/smoke them (though they should be taught the ramifications in a realistic way, not with scare tactics.)

-Teenagers should be allowed to drink/smoke pot (though they should be taught how to do so safely/with adult supervision)

There’s a reason that these things are not encouraged for teenagers.

These things aren’t debated (though the drinking age US side should be 18 not 21).

However…. the moment we talk about potentially mind altering interactions (Power Exchange Dynamics) and how they’re risky enough that we should not encourage teens to have them, we’re being told we’re producing anti-rhetoric.

We’re not saying people shouldn’t learn about kink. We’re not saying that people shouldn’t experiment with written roleplays between peers. We’re not saying that teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to do what they want.

What we are saying is that it’s risky enough for us to discourage the behavior by saying “Teenagers shouldn’t.” And frankly, if it was up to me, I’d encourage teaching safe practice to those who are interested in a sex-ed styled program. But given the current environment and reactionary response from many groups, including Antis, TERFs/SWERFs, and Republicans, I’m not willing to fight for that at this moment. First I want to fight for my right to exist as a fucking adult and not get called a predator as well as straight up vanilla sex-ed for both straight folk and queer folk.

But without that type of instruction being common place? I’m willing to say, wholeheartedly, teenagers? Don’t play with Power Exchange Dynamics.


“kink critical” and other “critical” branches absolutely started with TERFs





not to start any problems, i’m legitimately just curious and because i’m not sure how to feel about it, but some pros and cons to being kink critical? how far should kink go? is it good, bad, like i just can see both sides but i can’t really figure out my own feelings. i haven’t seen enough discussion other than people simply saying they’re “anti” and there’s no other real… conversation outside of that…

Right now, there’s three sides to kink discourse. There’s “anti kink/kink critical” that says “all kink is bad and shouldn’t exist.” Then there’s two branches of “pro kink,” the first of which says “all kink is good and that’s all we need to think about, what’s safety?” and then “kink must be practiced safely, but when done right, there’s nothing wrong with it.” It’s… a bit difficult to find the third brand of pro kink people, but they’re definitely out there. I’m one of them, in fact.

It’s not just that. There’s also rolequeer, who claim that Doms are abusive and kink should be practiced between subs, because it’s only okay to do Dom things, if you don’t actually like doing them (which is, you know… rapey)

And there are also people who claim they are pro bdsm, but apparently draw the line at certain kinks, because they are “bad”. No kink (that doesn’t cause irreparable harm or is non consensual - in which case it’s no longer kink, it’s just rape) . Safety and context do matter, but no kink is inherently bad by itself.

@queer-gladion I’ve personally NEVER seen the “all kink is good and that’s all we need to think about, what’s safety?” group. And I try to be active in my communities when I can. There’s a group on here that goes “All FICTIONAL kink is okay and that’s all we need to think about” but usually with Practiced kink the major thing is consent (active, continual consent), and trying to mitigate the risks that we can. Even bondage can result in loss of limbs for example or (far more commonly) pinched nerves and pulled muscles.

Few and far between are people who would say “Let’s actually practice vore!” (though unfortunately I can’t say that it’s never happened.)

While most kinksters will say “All kinks are good!” it’s because most kinks have a way to be practiced safely, even if it’s only in the realm of writing or online. Not because we don’t believe in Safe Kink.

(Along this line it’s kinda like how we say that Abuse isn’t BDSM. It’s not because BDSM can’t be used to abuse people but because BDSM is not inherently abusive and media that portrays it as such isn’t showing BDSM as the community knows and loves it.)




According to a 2008 study done by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, bdsm practitioners DO face discrimination

This study had around 1175 participants and 37.5% reported some form of persecution based on the fact that they were involved in the bdsm community.

To get into specifics:

  1. 20% lost jobs or job contracts
  2. 12.2% lost the chance of being promoted at work OR were demoted
  3. 6% lost custody of their children (despite the kids never being directly or indirectly exposed to their parents bdsm activities)
  4. 4% were refused housing due to their participation in the bdsm community
  5. 11.3% were discriminated against by professional service providers (doctors, lawyers, police, mental health providers, etc.)
  6. The study showed the bdsm practitioners were at a risk of being harassed, blackmailed, and being physically attacked because of their connections to the bdsm community

Since antibdsm and anti ddlg wants to live in their bubble of “lol kinksters don’t actually risk being kicked out of homes due to be a bad landlord” or “lol kinksters don’t risk actually losing custody of their kids” kindly shove this study in their fucking faces.

*the link below is a PDF of the study for those interested*


I want to shove this study into every moron who jumped on that ridiculous “xenophobic landlord” bullshit they took from a person defending kink activities because what do you fucking know, THEY WERE SPEAKING THE GOD DAMN TRUTH!

Fuck you antis for bullying a person off of tumblr who actually knew WHAT THE FUCK they were talking about

@anti-anti-survivor @antiantis-saltmine @antisdontdoshit @antis-are-wrong @antis-are-so-shameful



“BDSM is dangerous!”

That’s nice, but we let people jump out of perfectly good airplanes just for the fucking thrill. Why is it so different when somebody’s getting off in the process?



mawdrey replied to your post “mawdrey replied to your post “mawdrey replied to your post …”
i need that picture that has a koi being spoon fed and it has the text “mouth”, “words”, and “you”. i’m actually not particularly fond of skydiving and i have no issue with bdsm, i just don’t think they’re comparable. i was answering the questions you asked of my but i have this nagging feeling as if i’m being turned into a villian because i don’t think nonsexual and sexual acts are particularly.comparable :/

You have not answered the question at all. You tried going into bizarre non-sequiturs that didn’t exactly prove your point.

The argument I am examining here is not that BDSM is bad because it is sexual; it is because it is bad because it is dangerous. The question you have been avoiding:

We let people do dangerous things for the sheer thrill of it when it doesn’t involve an orgasm. Why is it different when it does?

Your alleged “answers” so far:

1. BDSM is sexual!
2. Skydiving is advertised where kids might see; that would be bad BDSM practice.
3. It just is because I said so.

You’re not being “turned into a villain,” you’re being very gently mocked because you keep turning up for this conversation and then either refusing to answer the question or veering off in a completely different direction. Is there a reason you find it difficult to support your assertion?



Can anyone tip me to any good, interesting or funny Cartman/ Kyle/ Stan/ Butters/ Tweek/ Craig pitch shifts or original voice edits???











Artist friends, let me just tell you a thing. FUCK Wacom. Fuck Wacom and their planned obsolescence, fuck Wacom and their broken drivers, fuck Wacom and their over-priced tablets. For years we’ve dealt with them with no alternatives but let me tell you a thing.

I recently found out my Intuos 4′s Pen had broken and rather than spend £60-89 for a new one I decided to get a new tablet. Now, I could get the new “Intuos” (which is just the re-branded Bamboo) and i was going to until I found this beast.

This is the Huion  H610, it has almost twice the drawing space of the low-end Intuos and double the pressure levels. The one and only negative is that the pen requires a battery.

Not only that, it is larger than my Intuos 4 which I paid £150 for back in the day. Know how much this cost? £55. The same as the basic Intuos.

I am in LOVE with this thing. Let’s compare this with the lowest of the low end Wacom Intuos line.

                             Intuos          Huion

Active Area:     6 by 3.7 in    10" x 6.25"

Pressure Levels:  1024            2048

Hard Input Res:  2540 LPI      4000 LPI

Express Keys:          4                   8

Not to mention the Intuos is HIDEOUS with buttons that are in incredibly awkward places.

The fact that a £55 matches and exceeds the £150 Intuos 4 I bought years ago speaks worlds. And do you know what the very final nail in the coffin is?


It’s time Wacom had some real competition in the market, if you’re looking for a new tablet please consider a Huion over a Wacom. I used to be a Wacom fanboy too but now?

Here is the H610 on Amazon UK and Amazon US.

All I can find is good reviews on this thing and people doing the same thing I am doing, trying to convince people it’s worth it. So… You have the information, use it as you will.

@mazzlebee @blarghnessrawr @shibara @plantmandotexeretired and any other artsy people following me who I’m forgetting to tag at 6 in the morning

Fck. I didn’t know they all did this. I thought I was getting a deal buying a Wacom but the driver refused to update after about a year and the pen died around the same time and replacing the pen was nearly as much as a whole new tablet so I bought a different brand. I ended up getting the Huion H610 shown above and it was definitely worth it. Other broke artists please save yourself the headache :/

I’m not an artist, but just a small correction for OP: it’s actually almost 3x the space.  Each dimension is almost 2x as long, but the AREA is about 2.8x bigger.  So you’re underselling it by saying it’s twice as big.

please get yourself a huon instead of a wacom

I bought a huion a while back and it’s pretty great. 

I also have a Huion, and it’s served me well for quite a few years so far! 

For reference, I have the GT-220, and it is absolutely incredible. I thought I’d never be able to have a tablet with a screen in it unless I shelled out £1500+ for an Intuos, and although I tried using a Bamboo, I just couldn’t get along with it, and I just assumed that that would be my life. I could either choose to draw well using traditional means, or I could have the ease of editing and correction that comes with digital art, but not both. There’s no way I ever could afford an Intuos.

But then I found this fucking thing, and now I can have my cake and eat it too because I’m drawing on the same surface that I’m looking at, but I’m also able to have the luxury of digital drawing and editing. It’s amazing! I’m delighted with it, and Huion’s customer service is fantastic, too. I’ve had driver issues once or twice, because Windows 10, of course I have, but they’ve been able to solve the problem quickly and painlessly every time. 

I can’t recommend Huion enough. 

I recently started using a Huion 680S myself after three (3) of my last Wacom tablets crapped out on me, all of them from frayed wires. And while I don’t regret the decision, I did want to mention that Huion tablets are a BITCH to get started. I had a hell of a time getting the drivers installed, and had to reinstall an older version of SAI because the newer one (with transparency) refused to work with it.

So while it’s a great alternative if you’re looking to break free from Wacom’s monopoly and works fine once you get it running, be prepared to wrestle with it first.

I’ve owned two H 610 and now a Q11K wireless and they are just as good as if not superior sensitivity wise for my use. My ONLY caution is that since everyone sets their shit up for wacom sometimes yours wont work EXACTLY right with like key strokes or whatever. But otherwise they’re fantastic tablets for a fraction of the cost. I cannot sing their praises enough

and if you’re looking to just start out with tablets and spend even less I reccomend the basic Ugee/Monoprice wired tablets. They are sensitive and cheap af compared to wacom. I had a monoprice back my last year of college and I did all the same projects as my classmates who still used their intuous’

fuck overpriced brand name tech companies!




Pitchfork: "When a new song comes on the radio, do you imagine how it would sound if Cartman sang it?“

MS: “No, really not very often. That was kind of a one-off. It’s always weird songs like “Come Sail Away” or “O Holy Night”. But I think we could pretty much just do a Cartman song every couple of months, and I would like to listen to it.“

-Matt Stone

Dude please just make a full album of not only Cartman but all of the kids singing random songs.

Please. I need this so bad…

Me tooo 😡😡😡

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